Birth, Death and In-Between

Life seems to be so full these days.  There’s something I’ve learned about life after 45 years.  It’s that Life moves.  Always moves.  And that if I, myself, don’t move my life by my own choices, it still moves.  You see…Life has “life” all it’s own. It doesn’t wait for the optimal circumstance or the ideal time for things.  It presents choices…and regardless of choosing or refusing to choose, Life moves on.  I have nieces and nephews having babies.  I’ve had a mother, aunt, two grandmothers, and friends die.  I was just there to support a daughter’s step into marriage.  Today, I attended a funeral.  Tomorrow, we celebrate the birthday of my son.  My baby’s been sick.  I’m still grappling, after years and years, with issues I’m barely beginning to understand. And…. Life continues to move.  The really cool thing is…I can choose to be in the center of that movement or I can choose to be a bystander, an observer, an inactive, casual participant.  And the only control I have of my life is through my choices.  It seems to always come back to the crux of this.  I wish I would have known this years and years earlier.  And I can’t say my choices would have been any different…maybe, yes, but I can’t say for absolute certainty.  But I have regrets.  Choices I refused to make.  Roads not taken.  And I have this fear too.  The fear that I will opt out…be the casual observer of my life instead of an active participant IN my life.  Who I am….the essence of ME… is a passionate, active, engaged woman.  I don’t want to lose another day, hour or moment to regrets because I am immobilized by fear of choices. As I develop and grow, I learn that the only freedom lies in the movement of Life.  The movement of Life, because of MY choices, through the challenges I encounter to freedom from fear, confidence in my course, and joy at the discovery that I am still, and more strongly so, vibrant, lovely, courageous, passionate, capable, and far reaching in my ability to love and extend my services and acceptance to those I come in contact with.